Wrestling with my Demons
A wrestler shows up for himself, because he knows he steps out onto the mat alone. Because if he showed up for anyone else it would not be sustainable. Though the words of his teammates and the spectators may lift his spirits or offer the necessary guidance, he is under no illusions of the physical support they offer him in his time of conflict. His struggle is a personal battle. He must be self-reliant.
Wrestlers have a chip on their shoulder because they are learning to embrace the pain of life while other kids are playing games. Wrestling is a sport simplified to the struggle. Mental toughness can be built, you can let the pride outweigh the pain. There are questions that can only be answered at the height of struggle, but you can train yourself to be better at answering them. You can learn to suffer.
In the wrestling room, I faced my demons of physical inadequacy and commitment. It was a direct confrontation. Whereas most men live in the fantasy world with regard to their physical capabilities in a fight, a wrestler lays his cards down. A martial artist should want to see reality. We sat in our fears on the wrestling bus, felt the weight of our anxiety and nerves on the way to the wrestling match, and then competed anyway.
I was soft and fluffy when I started my first wrestling season. By the time I left, I had a sharpened edge and confidence. I took my power back. I learned that skipping a meal wasn’t a big deal, neither was waking up early to go for a run. If I was motivated, the price could be paid.
Our personal demons are not to be banished. I exist to wrestle with them, I exist with limitations. When depression and loneliness knock on the door, rather than deny entry, why not accept the confrontation? Take hold of our demons and grapple with our feelings so that they are better understood. Test the demons balance before admitting defeat and hiding away. See our blemish head-on rather than deny its existence. The obstacle can be the way.
If we cannot be spectators in the tussle of life, then we should be wrestlers. Willing and eager to learn in both victory and defeat. Patient and collected for the wrestling match is a long one. If we know our opponent will be here to stay, we can learn about him, we can be prepared.
We can learn to enjoy the dance.
